That's right: two posts in two days. Don't get used to it.
So: Kevin morbidly hit me with a meme this morning, and since I don't feel like spending the next hour doing things like "being productive" or "contributing to society" or "making the world a better place," I figured I'd bite the bullet. Hence the following waste of your time.
- Ginger or Mary-Ann?
Mary-Ann all the way. Not even a question. Look: I'll admit that Ginger offers a more than reasonable degree of irrational hotness in her faux-Monroe fashion, but the simple fact is that because of that irrational hotness she's practically a different species from me. (Or you, for that matter.) Whereas Mary-Ann is the epitome of the sweet/hot girl next door — which, as a domesticated blue lobster, is more than a little appealing. Plus, mine is a brief and checkered history of brunettes, and I'd hate to break that up with a ginger like Ginger.
(That said, if you offered me Christina Hendricks as option #3... well, then we'd have something to discuss. As my friend Amber once pointed out, she's the one public figure for whom the full-on wolf-eye AYOOOGA response is 100% justified in both men and women.)
- What would you use to dilute water?
STOP CONFUSING ME, KEVIN.
- What mnemonic would you use to help you remember how to spell “mnemonic”?
(sorry if that was too obvious.)
- What is your theme song?
Rather than writing an 8,000-word reponse that works through all the possible permutations, I'll simply offer the following. It's not the only answer, but it'll do.
- Cake or pie, and what kind?
I'm all about the pie, man. Fruit. If I've gotta pick one, I'll go with blueberry - Maine wild blueberry, if I have my druthers (and you know how much I like my druthers) - but honestly I'd be nearly as happy with a good, homemade apple or cherry pie. I am a simple man, partial to simple pleasures.
- What’s the worst movie you ever saw in its entirety?
Tough, tough call. When you've seen as many movies as I have, that means you've also seen a lot of really, really terrible movies. Off the top of my head, I'd probably have to go with M. Night Shyamalan's inexplicably stupid, terribly acted and generally just horribly conceptualized and executed The Happening — but that being said, I know that if I gave this a day's thought, I could probably come up with half a dozen other equally vile options worthy of consideration.
- What celebrity would you NOT mind your significant other having a one-nighter with?
See: my earlier Christina Hendricks comment.
- Six of one or half a dozen of the other?
STOP CONFUSING ME, KEVIN.
- What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?
I'm going to dilute it with whatever you dilute water with.
- Vampires or zombies – which would you try to kill first?
Zombies. Because let's face it: either way, I'm going to get eaten by something unnatural. If I get eaten by a zombie, I'll either be torn to shreds (which looks really, really painful, by the way) or end up turning into a zombie myself, after which point I'll just shamble around until I rot and disappear for good. On the other hand, if I get chowed on by a vampire... there's a distinct possibiliy I'll end up turning into a vampire — which means all kinds of exotic sexiness for centuries to come. Unless it's one of those fucking glitter vampires from Twilight. In which case, I'll go the zombie route and hope that there was some truth to the whole Stony Mayhall take on being an undead-American.
- Who are three people who’ve never been in my kitchen?
The answer, as Cliff Clavin could tell you, are Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz and Lucille LeSueur. But you already knew that.
At this point, I think I'm supposed to curse some other people with the dreaded meme tag - and to come up with a new list of questions with which to torment them - but let's face it: I'm already overachieving this week, so let's not push things. That said, I welcome any and all y'all to lift these questions for yourself and play along to the best of your abilty and/or willingness to follow directions. If you do, just let me know — so I can make fun of you in comments.
The rules (as posted by Kevin, which I utterly failed to obey) are listed below:
- You must post the rules.
- Answer the questions the tagger set for you in the post, and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
- Tag 11 bloggers; however, you can break the rules and tag fewer people if you want. Make sure you hyperlink their names/blogs.
- Let them know you've tagged them!
- Have fun!
Yeah, right. Good luck with that #5 part.