A continuing saga of poor decision-making and one-hit wonders. In case you missed parts I-IV - and let's be clear: they were riveting - feel free to start here.
TONY CAREY: A Fine, Fine Day
You know who's bigger in Germany than Hasselhoff? Well, okay: that's a trick question, as obviously nobody trumps the Hof. But a close second? Tony Carey. That's right. Tony Carey. From what I can tell - based on at least three minutes of extensive research - he's built a tremendously successful career filling the beerhalls and schnitzel palaces of Deutschland with ravenous fans eager to share in the glory that is his music. And his hair. (It's a lot of hair. Very straight, very long hair. Basically, he looks a lot like a villain from an early-period Schwarzenegger film. Think Crisp from Kindergarten Cop.)
But all of that is beside the point — because the point is the song. The song! It's like Springsteen, only without the subtlety or lyrical eye! It's basically about a Jersey wise guy who gets out of prison, hangs out with his family for a bit, and then gets whacked. The plotline of which is recreated - in painstaking detail, with extra emoting by Carey - in the video. But even sans video (please note the usage of français, indicating the intense cultural relevance of this commentary) this is a song soaking in Law & Order-quality melodrama. In fact, in many ways, it's like the missing link between The Godfather II and Goodfellas/The Sopranos. With long, straight hair. It's contextually metatextual! Seriously! Sonny! Don't let them drag you away! Sonny! Nooooooooooo!
MADNESS: It Must Be Love
When I was twelve or thirteen years old - before I was a tormented enough teenager to begin reaching for the darker truths of post-punk and alt rock - I thought that love must be a lot like this song. A little off-kilter. Syncopated in all sorts of unexpected ways. Veering occasionally towards the goofy, then surging all together into a strangely beautiful and moving kind of harmony. And, at the heart of it all, an unexpected and wonderful flavor of happy. The kind of thing I'd want to hum and feel over and over and over again.
Turns out, I was a lot smarter at twelve or thirteen than I ever imagined.
KINGS OF LEON: Use Somebody
For better or for worse, I've always lumped Kings of Leon in with a couple of other groups into a vaguely-defined category of music I like to think of as "Bands With Lots of Hairy Southern Guys That I Don't Particularly Care About." Let's call 'em Hairy Southern Bands for short. You know the kind: it starts with My Morning Jacket and disintegrates rapidly afterwards. There's a lot of rawkin', and a lot of rollin', and at some points it kind of sounds like Skynyrd-meets-alt-jam-band... and pretty quickly, I wish I was somewhere else.
To be honest, I had no reason to think of Kings of Leon in any other kind of terms. Not that I'd encountered them at any great length, but let's face it: "Sex on Fire" didn't really dissuade me from throwing them in the Hairy Southern Bands closet (and what a hairy closet it is) (sorry: was that too Freudian?) and locking the door.
But. Then I heard "Use Somebody" on Pandora - I can't remember which station, and frankly can't imagine how this fits into the parameters of Slowdive Radio or A Northern Chorus Radio - and it blew my fucking socks off. Honestly. I couldn't download it fast enough, and I've probably listened to it two dozen times since then. And why wouldn't I? Crimony: if you could bottle the ache and passion in Caleb's voice, and the compelling multiple interpretations of the title/chorus, and the great build-and-explode of the music, and the gorgeous backing "whoa-whooooaaas," and that strong, gutsy solo near the end that ramps the whole thing up to another level... if you could bottle it up and spread it across an entire album, you'd have something for the ages.
That's not the case. But you've still got this song.
Sometimes, that's good enough.




