As this weekend marks yet another journey around the sun for me, I thought I'd leverage the horrifying "25 things about me" Facebook meme that has, of late, become the scourge of the internets to regale you with a long and pointless list of endlessly fascinating tidbits about moi, TwoBusy: man, myth, legend.
1. I don't feel like my name has any relevance to who I am. Yeah, it's what I've been answering to since the dawn of time, but... it doesn't really fit me. You know how some people fit their names perfectly — as if from the first moment fertilized egg underwent mitosis and zygote began to evolve into person, they were meant to slide into the name, character and personality their name suggested? That's not me.
2. More appropriate name options might include: Hawk and Thor.
3. Also: Sméagol.
4. I've forgotten most of my pre-college life. Honestly. There are segments that have remained embedded in my memory, but by and large... it's a blur. Every holiday dinner with my family is guaranteed to include at least one story about "Remember when you..." and all I can do is shrug my shoulders, as I genuinely have no recollection of what they're talking about.
5. Which kind of makes it feel like my childhood is something that happened to someone else.
6. This is a mixed blessing.
7. One thing I do recall is that, at some point in my early teens, I got my hands on The Book of Lists (and, subsequently, its creatively titled sequel The Book of Lists II). Which permanently imprinted on me the idea that lists can and should be entertaining. (This list notwithstanding.)
8. Two weeks ago, a very nice little old lady in the supermarket told me that I looked like a well-known film actor. Out of the blue. Seriously: I was just grabbing a baguette when she turned to me and said, "Has anyone ever told you..."
9. It was the biggest ego boost I've had in years. I felt giddy afterward for hours.
10. She was, of course, blind and insane. But still... that was nice.
11. TheWife's response: "Uh huh. So what are you making me for dinner?"
12. I have a tendency toward moodiness.
13. I need to learn to be more patient. (I say that every year.) (I keep failing.)
14. I'm bright, and sometimes perceptive, but I'm rarely the smartest person in the room. Especially in my own house.
15. On the other hand, I've got really great hair.
16. Which is kind of miraculous, considering that both of my grandfathers were cueball bald. As well as the fact that my father was rockin' the male pattern baldness thing by the time he was in his early 30s. But despite being screwed on all sides by genetics, I've still got my flaxen locks.
17. Having brought that up, I've clearly just jinxed myself. Fuck! Dammit. Fuck! I'm gonna wake up bald tomorrow.
18. The fact that I'm typing this right now - and that someone may (HA!) ultimately read it - is a function of the fact that one day, about a million years ago, I went online and did an online search for "speech delays"... and somehow, one thing led to another and I ended up finding something called a blog, written by someone who (at that time) called herself Miss Domestic. Which led me to read the comments that people made to her posts, which led me to other similar (and dissimilar) sites, which led me... well, nowhere, and yet here we are. In any case: Everyone, say hi to Paige — my patient zero of the interwebs. This is all her fault.
19. Crimony. I really need to come up with 38 of these things? I think I just screwed myself.
20. I didn't really drink my first two years in college. It wasn't a religious or a moral thing: it was just a choice I made, and something of a reaction to watching the people around me act constantly stupid and obnoxious while dousing themselves in cheap beer. Then I went to Ireland, and that whole idea went out the window quickly.
21. I've never tried a drug that isn't now implicitly legal in the state of Massachusetts.
22. That being said, I tried it multiple times. Especially my senior year in college. Including one time when I got really goofy, then went out to grab some donuts with a friend (who was completely straight) and found myself face-to-face with the priest who ran the soup kitchen where I volunteered every week. I'm not sure how he felt about it, but I was mortified.
23. There was a year of my life where, in retrospect, it's pretty clear I was clinically depressed.
24. I, uh... don't really recommend it.
25. I applied to 11 colleges. (My parents' idea.) Got into 9. The whole process was pretty haphazard.
26. I didn't decide where to go until I borrowed my parents' car one day in early April and drove out to see (for the first time) two of the schools I'd been accepted to. One was lovely; one wasn't. I chose the lovely one.
27. I didn't appreciate at the time what a gift it was to have that kind of freedom of choice.
28. I've never loved a woman who didn't break my heart.
29. I've also broken my arm, my nose, and all of my toes (several times). No extra points for guessing which hurts most.
30. On a serial basis, I'm a late technology adopter. I didn't switch from cassettes to CDs until 1995 (a good 5+ years too late). I didn't switch from VHS to DVD until about five years ago. I still haven't switched from DVD to Blu-Ray, and I still don't own a DVR/TiVo. On the minus side, it means I'm never one of the geek-cool kids. On the plus side, it means I never spent $600 on a Betamax.
31. I suck at learning names, am shy in crowds, am awkward in most non-business group settings, and tend to hang in the background in all scenarios.
32. I tend to be much more comfortable being the guy who hangs out, doesn't say much, and then suddenly drops an unexpected sarcasm bomb that leaves half of those within a listening radius confused and angry and the other half doubled over in laughter.
33. For a long time, as a young adult, my greatest unspoken fear was that of one day having a disabled child. In a series of acts of magical thinking, I began making annual donations to all kinds of related groups in the hopes that, through slow-building karmic accretion, I could ensure that it would never happen to me. (see under: irony)
34. I'm really grateful for this online outlet, and check pathologically for comments and e-mails. I am desperate for your affection. Want to hold hands?
35. Along similar lines, I kind of sucked at dating. Well... actually, I was great at dating. But I sucked at the whole "meeting people and getting the ball rolling" thing. I was, for all intents and purposes, a puppy: any hint of positive reinforcement, and I'd be ready to roll on my back - tongue hanging out, tail wagging gleefully - for a tummy rub. The unfortunate side effect of this approach, of course, is that it tends to leave your throat exposed, as well.
36. I'm trusting to a fault. I also hold a vicious grudge.
37. At the end of the day, I go to bed with a clear conscience. I'm neither without fault nor without sin, but I don't bear guilt well. When I fuck up, I apologize, and try to make right. I'm not sure what else I can do... but until I figure out something better, I'll stick with that.
38. This list seemed like a good idea when I started it. Man, do I suck. I'm sorry... here, let me buy you a beer.
