We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming of pointless sarcasm and photos of beer.
But enough about me. How are you?
Um. Anyhow... last week marked TheWife's first brush with unemployment since the dark, distant days of 1997 -- a time of plague and pestilence, when millions thumped their tubs to the turbulent strains of Chumbawumba, the Green Bay Packers and their recently retired QB/Vicodin fiend Brett Favre spanked my beloved New England Patriots, and a pretty brunette in San Francisco waited in vain for her dashing, handsome and ultimately doomed boyfriend to get his ass in gear and start buying diamond rings. (Tragically, TheGirlfriend had another full year of waiting to go before the aforementioned dashing and handsome ass actually got in gear.)
So: how did we choose to celebrate her weeklong failure to bring home the bacon? By setting our credit cards aflame. On flame with rock and roll! In short, TheWife decided to take her forthcoming entrée into the executive world as an excuse to buy clothes. Lots of new clothes. Which meant outlet shopping. Lots of outlet shopping.
I took last Monday and Tuesday off from work to join her in a little consumerism-fueled married-people bonding time, which led us through 5 of the 6 New England states (sorry, Vermont), across the blood- and khaki-stained floors of more Ann Taylors, Ann Taylor Lofts (little did I suspect that they offer COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CLOTHES OMG OMG from Ann Taylor proper), Gaps and other similar chambers of horror than I'd prefer to remember, and - at long last - to the promised land: a brewery at the end of the rainbow. To my male friends in New England, a word of wisdom: outlet shopping in Kittery, ME is not an event fraught with pain and damnation, because just south - only moments away, over the scenic Piscataqua Bridge - lies the timeless beauty of Portsmouth, NH... and the Portsmouth Brewery. 10 beers on tap. All of 'em good... all of 'em shown in this sampler (photographed during one of the brief moments when it lay full on our table, before TheWife and I descended upon it and consumed the happy little beers in the spirit of hyenas set free on a busload of honey-of-a-hams. And yes, I'm going to stick with that metaphor.).
But the time for being footloose and fancy-free is over. For me, it was only a 2-day respite from my daily grind - although, to be truthful, I'm always happy to return to the joys of working in the seal clubbing industry - and for TheWife, it was a brief and tantalizing glimpse into a life of leisure, wealth and freedom that (realistically) she may never see again.
Anyhow. Fun while it lasted.





